The Creative Struggle

Today, I spent three hours in the bookstore reading about painting. To most, this might seem like a productive way to spend the afternoon. I, however, was sorely disappointed at myself for having succeeded yet again at procrastination. You see, I had planned to start my creative journey the day I left my job. It’s been over 2 months hence, and I have nothing to show for. I have not picked up a brush to paint. I have not lifted a pencil to draw. And I have not logged on to start my coding course. Instead, I’ve used every delaying tactic in the book. I’ve even opted to organize my closet, file my amended tax returns, AND organize my photo library to put off having to draw!

I know I’m not alone here. I’ve had more than a handful of recent conversations with people facing the same battle — they have creative projects they long to do but are struggling to even begin. One wants to start song-writing but is waiting for inspiration to strike; another wants to sell hats (and has a store lined up to offer them) but is questioning her ability to meet the store’s standards; yet another wants to produce a documentary about his family history but doesn’t know where to begin; another wants to start a business but is nervous about the reception of her product; and still another wants to dance but worries she’ll be ridiculed. The list is long. The struggle to begin the creative path is real.

Elizabeth Gilbert says that all these different forms of paralysis all boil down to the same thing: fear. If I may distill it down further based on my conversations and my own experience, it is a fear of not succeeding, a fear of realizing that I may not be good at this thing I want so badly to do. For me, this fear has been so overwhelming that it has kept me from drawing a single line on the sketch pad I carried during my travels because I was afraid that the drawings may not be pretty!

This fear, Gilbert goes on to say, parades itself in fancy shoes as ‘perfectionism’. “Perfectionism . . . often stops people from beginning their work. Perfectionists often decide in advance that the end product is never going to be satisfactory, so they don’t even bother trying to be creative in the first place.”

To give up on a project before it even starts, to allow the spark of inspiration to fade inside of us, would be a monumental pity. So, I’m writing this (procrastinating much?) as a gentle nudge for myself and my friends who stand at the threshold of creating, still hesitating in fear:

Fear is our Compass

Let’s give fear its proper place in this struggle. Fear isn’t all bad. In fact, it is an important component in our creative growth. Fear is the compass which points out where we should be headed. Steven Pressfield in the War of Art says, “The more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul.” Think about it. The more we want a particular job, the more fear we would feel during the interview process. The more feelings we have towards someone, the more fear we would have in approaching him. If something didn’t really matter to us, we wouldn’t really care so deeply.

So, to walk away from something that is meaningful to us would be, first and foremost, harming ourselves. We would be robbing ourselves of the opportunity for growth. The creative seeds should be given the opportunity to bloom; to choose otherwise would be to mute ourselves.

It may be helpful to remember that fear does not discriminate. Every accomplished artist still faces fear. Pressfield assures us, “there is no dread-free artist.” The difference is that a true artist doesn’t allow fear to stop him. He forges on with his work.

Create Non-Epic Shit

As amateurs struggling to even begin, let’s ditch the idea that we must create epic shit. Who needs that additional pressure in our lives? We don’t need to be the next Uber, the next Lin Manuel Miranda, or the next JK Rowling. Heck, we don’t even need to be good! Our job right now is simply to explore this idea we have. To follow a curiosity. And to understand if this itch we are scratching is, indeed, something we want to be pursuing for the long-haul. That is all.

Allow me to draw on my limited blogging experience. For the first 5 months of its existence, I told NO ONE about this blog. I wrote for myself; to download and process thoughts that were wrestling to be released. I knew nobody was reading. I wasn’t able to validate if anything I was writing was resonating with anyone. But each time I published a post, I felt the relief and joy that would presumably come with coughing up a little gremlin growing in my throat. And for me, that was enough.

For those who want to do creative work that is necessarily commercial (like starting a business), accept at this point that we are not going to please everyone. So, trust your taste and make what pleases you. Don’t worry about what will sell. Your role now is to create. Focus on that.

It is advised that we shouldn’t be a creator and a critic at the same time. To be both is to tap into 2 different parts of the brain, and that pulls you out of your flow and makes the creative process much slower and much more arduous. So avoid immediately editing every sentence you write or judging every footage you film. Just keep creating. Let the designers, editors, and producers (all of which may also be you) worry about the commercial side later on.

No One is Judging, So Play

When my parents had parties at home, my mom would ask us to play the piano. Mind you, this wasn’t the type of parent showcasing where guests were forced to sit and listen to a 7-year old play Chopsticks. It was a lot less daunting than that. My mom simply wanted us to play while guests were going about their partying. And yet, I was too mortified to do so. Until, at one particular party, she said the magic words, “No one is judging you.” I looked around and noticed that, in fact, the grown-ups were busy chatting, drinking and eating to care about what I banged out on the piano. That knowledge gave me the boldness to play and play badly.

The same applies to our art. As amateurs, no one is really watching. There are barely any expectations for us to meet. The bar for us is so deliciously low. Why not take advantage of this, and give ourselves the license to explore, play, and make grand mistakes?

Just Begin

Sure, our creative endeavors may seem daunting. But taking our focus away from the immensity of the project, and concentrating on simply taking each next step helps transform the journey into a manageable one. Let us finally show up, and allow the experience to take us where it may. It might bring us to some sobering and enlightened realizations that the pleasure creating brings isn’t worth the pain. Or, it may lead to magic. We won’t know unless we begin.

“Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” – Goethe

 

Are you facing the same struggle? Have you fought through the fear? Would love to hear your thoughts. Let me know in the comments section below.