Chiang Mai, Thailand. Alone.
“What does a public tuktuk look like? I mean, as opposed to one belonging to a family? Do they have medallion numbers? . . .
And how do I know if one is available? Are they lit? Can I hail one from anywhere or should I go to a tuktuk stop? . . .
How do I pronounce that road again? Ra-cha-dam-no-en?”
I’m obviously in a state of mild panic. The concierge half-smiles in disorientation. I shake my head as a signal to ignore me, and I head out.
This is my first solo trip in Asia. Thailand is a friendly neighboring country, yet being here seems more daunting than the time I was left stranded alone in the middle of Nowhere, Tuscany or the time I was cooped up with 3 strangers in a night train cabin in France. At the back of the (easily recognizable and hail-able) tuktuk, I pondered why this was.
I arrived at the theory that it was because for the very first time, in this trip, I look like a local! Traveling around Europe or Latin America, for example, it was readily apparent that I was an outsider. Locals, then, would be more inclined to help or would be more forgiving of any faux pas. Looking like one of them, though, burdens me with an assumption that I can speak the language, am familiar with their customs, and know how to hail a tuktuk. And if I didn’t (because I don’t), there was a higher chance of not being assisted, or of being misunderstood!
The rumination continued: could this penchant for being an “other” extend to my life as a whole? Is this why I gravitate to places where I don’t fully belong — so there are lower expectations of me? Am I, then, just an unambitious coward?
Solo Travel as Philosophy
I don’t have answers to this far-too-early-in-the-morning cogitation. That was just an anti-climactic demonstration of where my mind wanders when I travel solo. And crazily enough, it is incidents like these that fuel my solitary travel habit despite being called “unorthodox”, “weird”, or “insane” (mostly by my very own mother).
Traveling unaccompanied offers experiences that don’t normally occur in a group setting — the aggravating decision to venture out or stay in, the pitying looks, the fulfilling conversations with strangers. During these experiences, we are also able us to listen to the ripples of thought and emotion that normally go unnoticed in the presence of company — nostalgia, anxiety, excitement, curiosity, fear. These ripples, while sometimes annoyingly circuitous (aka, this morning), can also be profound. These arising thoughts present clues to who we truly are.
In a sense, solo travel is an exercise in philosophy — the pursuit of wisdom to live a good life. According to Socrates, at the core of all philosophical tenets is the knowledge of self. When we have an accurate sense of who we are, we have the ability to make better decisions based on truth.
As collective species, we, unfortunately, are not very good at knowing ourselves — what we want, what makes us tick. We latch on to societal models hoping they will bring us happiness — get a good education, work hard, earn well, marry better, have children, save for retirement. These suggested models may not suit us, but we follow simply because it is what is done. Then we realize much further down the road that our lives have turned out to be very different from what we wanted them to be.
The more ambiguous we are about ourselves, the easier it is to be influenced by others. But the deeper we know what we want and where we’re going, the less threatening societal formulas can be. Our inherent truths, then, can (and should) be our compass for our decisions and actions. This is at the heart of a well-lived and happy life.
As such, the Roman philosopher, Seneca, urges the constant pursuit of self-discovery.
“. . . Examine yourself; scrutinize and observe yourself in diverse ways. . . [Philosophy] moulds and constructs the soul; it orders our life, guides our conduct, shows us what we should do and what we should leave undone; it sits at the helm and directs our course as we waver amid uncertainties.”
Caution: May Cause Happiness
While there are countless ways to gain self-knowledge, solo travel, I believe, is one of the most potent avenues. It rouses latent aspects of ourselves, introduces us to resonating perspectives, and teases out obsolete self-concepts. If we pay attention to our true inclinations, i.e., uninfluenced by others, and take the time to understand what they reveal, we go home from our journeys having made an even more valuable inner journey. These could lead to profound changes in our lives, which after all, should be the point of all this.
It was in one of these trips that I realized how valuable freedom was for me. This eventually led to my career shift. It was also in another where I realized what “enough” was for me. This eventually led to my lifestyle change. I don’t know what or where my rumination in Thailand will take me, but if history is any indicator, it most certainly will be another step towards a life more authentically lived.
Would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment below.
Just wanted to let you know that even though I have a fellow adventure-loving husband and 3 kids, I *always* make it a point to travel solo at least once or twice a year. Sure, I miss the company sometimes (because I actually like my kids – LOL), but there’s something about solo travel that empowers a woman. Not only does it force one to face their fears (dining alone – eek!), but it also pushes one to dig deeper inside. To find that courage to say “yes, I’m alone but I’m not lonely. I’m happy and this happiness comes from within me and it overflows from my cup that I have no other choice but to share it with others.” I see so much of this with you, Ani 🙂
Thanks for your kind words, Jen. I love that travel is such a big part of you and your family. I’m sure it’s played a huge part in raising such talented, adventurous and stylish girls! But I also love that you make space for “me” time. You’re right. So important for a woman. If we all did it, the world would be a better place. 😉
It’s liberating. Being your own captain. Exciting, like a box of chocolates, said a guy named Forrest. So, it’s an opportunity to rid yourself of all your anxieties, and wing it. Go back to simple joys and sensibilities. You’d regain your ability to hone your wisdom. And it’s a step, always, to revisiting one’s sense of consideration and practicality. Cheers!
yep, going back to your true nature. as epicurus said, if we focus on our natural desires, we will never be poor; if we focus on others’ desires, we will never be rich. (something like that).
cheers, doods!
Bravo, Ani! Great piece.
People have never understood why I do it. Solo trekking or skiing is like mountain yoga.I’ve learned more about myself and what makes me happy during the times I’m doing a challenge or just exploring on my own. I’ve become very comfortable with who I am in the process.
And you’re right, you stop and observe things more closely, the views, the sounds and smells. In big cities, you become more focused on your surroundings, you stop to try and really understand what makes that city special. Because you are undistracted, you relish each mouthful of the local cuisine while dining alone.
I’ve met quite interesting people on Everest, in the Atlas mountains, the Camino, etc since many people engage a solo traveller. You hear about their lives and experiences, with the curiosity of a simple observer. People share with you unguardedly, happy with the knowledge they will never see you again. And you never fail to be surprised at and grateful for the generosity of strangers.
There’s a whole big wide world out there that you haven’t seen and experienced. You now know that you don’t have to wait for anyone to go and explore. Nothing will hold you back now.
Much love and kisses and happy birthday again!
Love it, Tita Doy, solo-traveler-extraordinaire! Yes, I totally agree. Solo traveling is traveling on steroids. You experience everything so much more fully. And you’re also right about people sharing unguardedly because they’ll never see you again. My friends here have been the taxi drivers! I sit next to them and they can go on and on!
After your 2nd or 3rd solo trip, you don’t care about “being alone” anymore. Actually, here in Chiang Mai, I noticed so many more solo diners and travelers than I did previously. I’m glad it’s catching on. Solo traveling is so underrated.
Love and kisses back!
Love you Ani. Love your writing. Love each word.
Btw…. Happy Birthday!!!
Yoony!! Omg, I miss you! Thank you.
And soon, I’m going to solo travel my arse to Seoul. You better be there.
I don’t like solo travel for 2 reasons 1: I get really lazy, and if its a nice hotel, it makes me lazier 2: It’s quite limiting – I had a couple of nights in Havana without my friends, and I didn’t get to experience the music scene, since it started really late at night…
1. don’t get a really nice hotel, then
2. yeah, havana would be a different story. pick a place that isn’t a lot about the party scene.
stop with the excuses.
and how’s the purging? heehee.
I don’t think a lot of travelling is solo friendly though …. everything is min. 2 people …
And as for dining alone….
Give me a break spring cleaning is hard when you are in another country 🙂
you’ll be surprised. this is the time for solo travel! a lot of establishments now cater to the solo traveler. 🙂
even asia, which i didn’t expect to be solo traveler friendly, so is! well, at least chiang mai is. 🙂
Ok ok, in a couple of weeks I will be solo-ing it in Cyprus, post group holiday in Lebanon..I don’t want to but I am…so I shall keep a diary to compare 😉
oh yay!! good luck! report back!
Truly amazing and inspiring – I am going to try and do some solo traveling soon. Wishing you peace, love and joy today and always.
Do it, Anna! and Thank you.
Have done some solo travel many years back… couldn’t agree with you more! You’ve put into beautiful words thoughts I’ve had all this time about solo travel and that inner journey.
Thanks, Shirley. I know you feel the same way about it. 🙂
Love the last paragraph above all. That continues to resonate.
Thanks, Ishani! Can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to!
Beautifully written. “Caution: May cause happiness.” “One of the most potent avenues.” I couldn’t agree more! Take care and enjoy your time there! ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks, Pia! See you soon!