Five years ago, I walked out of a relationship that, measured against any conceivable standard, was a perfectly decent relationship. He was kind, generous, smart and beautiful. He handled my nagging well, was totally trust-worthy, and we hardly ever fought. Most New York women would have killed for something like it. But we also rarely laughed. You know, ugly laugh. Our sense of humor was different. And that bothered me. My friends thought I was crazy for even thinking of breaking up. But after four years of being together, I had to confront the question: do I really want to be in this forever, meaning 50 years give or take? Or should I walk away, in my late 30s, and seek the relationship I am looking for and risk being alone? Well, you know how the story ends. . . and in case you were wondering, my fears did pan out. I am still unmarried. But not once did I regret that decision.
I am about to jump off another cliff. In a month, I am going to quit my corporate job I’ve had for 10 years. A job that pays me more than I can comfortably spend, that isn’t too demanding of my time, and offers adequate mental challenge. Then why am I quitting? And why do I think you should consider it too if you’re in the same boat, thinking of a big change like quitting a relationship, a job, a career, or a city.
Because Life is Long
I will admit, it is really difficult to jump off a cliff when no one is pushing you off the ledge. No ass of a boss, no abusive relationship. But I urge you to check in with yourself every now and then and consider whether your current external situation is still in line with your internal one. Is your creative side raring to be freed but your job is anything but creative? Are you seeking a quieter, more laid-back lifestyle but the city you’re in continues to squeeze every drop of blood, sweat and tears from you? If we don’t do this, we’ll find ourselves the frog in boiling water. And yes, at work, I’ve become the frog.
Life is long. And it’s going to feel much longer if we are in a situation that we are slogging through. So why not jump? The good thing about a blessed long life is, if you crash land, you’ll have opportunity upon opportunity to dust yourself off and get back at it. Think of JK Rowling! And many others who found their success later in life. But as I was saying, failure can be part of the process. But failure carries with it invaluable lessons. And here’s another wild thought: what if instead of failing, you succeed??
And Life is Short
Going back to my planned career cliff-jump for a minute — have you ever thought about the general life path that we have been pre-programmed to take? That we are supposed to toil at our jobs until we’re 65, retire and only then start living life — take that epic trip, spend time with loved ones, start that business. Have you considered the absurdity of that plan? That we’re supposed to endure the discomfort of an unfulfilled life until retirement? But what if that day doesn’t come? Would the toil have been worth it? Of course not! Perhaps a better way to design life is to embark on (or take steps to discover it) what you really want to do so retirement becomes just a concept. Chances are you’ll blow past retirement age to keep doing what keeps you alive. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so live such that you leave it with no regrets.
You Get Rid of Your Attachments
Part of what was comforting about being in a relationship was that I was “in a relationship”. I will admit that losing that status factored heavily into my decision of whether to end my relationship. I wondered if I was ready to be “single” again. Today, the same thoughts go through my head about leaving my job. How should I respond when people ask me what I do?? And more importantly, what will they think when I say I’m “on sabbatical” or “taking a mid-life gap year”? My self-worth today is so much tied to my job in finance. I had lunch with a friend today who also spoke about this when he took a sabbatical to try a year at entrepreneurship. This can be a real issue. We use these identifiers as crutches to define who we are and measure our self-worth. By jumping off cliffs, we test our egos’ attachments to these superficial labels. We learn to confront who we are stripped bare, so that labels become like inconsequential outfits that when taken off, don’t disturb our deeper sense of self.
You Form a Better Relationship with Yourself
Of course, we never know how things will turn out after we jump off a cliff. We are never promised a turbulence-free flight. But that’s not why we do it. We do it so we can learn, so we can contribute to the world, so we can grow. And when you go through hard sh*t, you grow even more. Just make a promise to yourself that you’ll be your own biggest cheerleader. Because during trials, and sure there will be some, no one else will have your back the way you do.
And You Make Space for Magic
When you remove something from your life, you make space for something new to enter. Removing something that eats up a lot of emotional and mental space, like a relationship or a job, opens you up to magic! Jumping off a cliff is a way of telling the universe that you are trusting the universe to catch you. And when you have a firm and profound belief that the universe is working to give you what you want, it will.