The Tao of Tong

This was a tribute to my Dad during his 80th birthday party.

*

Good evening.  We are delighted that you are with us to celebrate Dad and his 80 years.

By way of introduction, my name is Ani.  I am number two of the five children of Tong and Daisy; first daughter of four girls.  Somehow, this placement in the pecking order has bestowed on me the honor of imposing on you our entire family album.

 

*

As most of you can imagine, Dad was quite an unconventional father. It is rumored that he wasn’t at any of our births; he surely never changed our diapers; he was never involved with our school work; and he attended a total of two parent-teacher meetings (and that was cumulative for the 5 of us). Having said that, in his own way, Dad always made his presence felt and always made us feel loved. So, for those of you concerned, the kids turned out okay; no pyschological scarring because of Dad. (Because of Mom, on the other hand, that’s a different story that we’ll save for another day.)

*

Personally, I’ve always looked up to Dad. Whenever there were college essays that asked for the person I most admired, my answer would always be Dad. Not only because he was successful in both the private sector and the public sector, both venues in which he touched many lives, he is also the wisest person I know.

I wanted to be like him so much so that I deliberately patterned my life after his. Mom wanted to send me off to some far away boarding school, but I said no. Dad went to Ateneo and studied Economics; so, I went to Ateneo and studied (Management) Economics. He graduated cum laude; I graduated cum laude.

My life unfolded as expected — pretty much like Dad’s. I spent time in the private sector, did some public policy work . . . only to find out decades later that Dad had absolutely no intention of studying at the Ateneo! He was on his way to the University of the Philippines to register for pre-law, but got off on the wrong stop and ended up in Ateneo!

So basically, my entire life was patterned after an accident.

*

Whenever I find time with Dad, I try to tap into his wisdom and ask him the most annoying questions.  Like, what is your biggest regret? or Dad, when you were a young parent, were you ever anxious about money? or What was your midlife crisis like?

Dad is always willing and ready to reflect. He’ll pause, sit back, and think. Then invariably respond with the most unsatisfying answer: No, no regrets. No, never anxious. No, no midlife crisis.

*

We also often talk about the arc of his life and the events that led him to where he is now: an entrepreneur.  If he is not with his grandchildren, he can be found in the school in Bataan he recently founded, the University of Nueva Caceres – Bataan. Or in Sinagtala, his adventure resort in Bataan.

*

One of the big turning points in his life was in 1986 when his beloved brother, our Tito (Uncle) Pito, was killed for political reasons. This is what prompted Dad to think about public service — to honor Tito Pito and to ensure that his death was not in vain.

A few months later, I remember mom crying (and mom never cries) and threatening to pack up the children and move to the US if Dad entered politics.

So, what did Dad do? He entered politics. First as Congressman in 1987 under Cory. He then went on to serve under 4 more presidents — Ramos, Erap, Gloria and PNoy.  He was Congressman until he reached the 3-term limit (he ran unopposed in his third and last term). Then, he was appointed Chairman of Subic Bay Metropolitan Authority (SBMA), and later as Chairman of the Bases Conversion Development Agency (BCDA).  In government, his hallmark pursuits were education, job-creation, and infrastructure.

And meanwhile, what did Mom do? She milked this Congress thing and had the time of her life! She embraced her inner fangirl and, and found some of her closest friends.

*
A series of unfortunate events involving cheating scandals led Dad to quit politics in 2013.  I asked him if he was upset, and he simply said “No.  This is an opportunity for me to focus on projects I’ve always wanted to do like build a school.  Or an eco resort.”

*

One day, while Dad and I were waiting for the rest of the family to mobilize for Sunday lunch, I asked him one of my annoying questions: What is your greatest happiness now?

Without looking up from his book and in all seriousness, he answered, “Spaghetti vongole.”

And then it hit me.  I then finally understood the wisdom of Tong Payumo.

The way he lives his life reminds of me of what author E.L. Doctorow said about writing. When he sets out to write a novel, he doesn’t have a plan. Each chapter reveals the next. It is “. . . like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”

This is how Dad lives — bit by bit, moment by moment, chapter by chapter. He concerns himself only with what he can see in the headlights — whether it be getting lost on his way to school, dealing with a family tragedy, dealing with a headstrong wife, facing political challenges, or planning for Sunday lunch. He never worries about what is too far ahead. This way he can adapt, change course with life’s uncertainties, and reinvent himself over and over again.

And this is the secret as to why he has had no regrets, no anxieties, and no midlife crisis.

*

Happy happy birthday, Dad. Thank you for your wisdom.